the road less travelled

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The Truth about Parenting!

Parenting is NOT what it’s all cracked up to be, right?

Those dirty, messy diapers, the screaming, the crying, the endless hours spent awake, the exhaustion… We try to understand what’s baby-code for “I’m hungry, thirsty, tired or uncomfortable,” and not knowing which is which….oh, and don’t forget about the OTHER child, and the rants, meltdowns, the picky eating,  share nicely,  give it back, don’t grab, don’t hit, let’s go….NOW!  We do ALL this, in-between laundry, housework, cooking, organizing, playdates, programs, and our jobs.

This IS what it’s all cracked up to be ,and at the end of the day, we LOVE it.  We love that we have these beautiful children we do so much for, who we love and cherish so much.  We accomplish so many things in such little time , and multi-task our way throughout the day often with such seamless fluency.  We do these things without even thinking, with pride and joy because it’s who we are and what we do.  We’re SUPERMOMS!

We’re Megamoms!, doing so much with our plates so full, it can all catch up with us and affect how we parent.  Parenting requires us to be patient, understanding, thoughtful, creative and NON-reactive.  When we don’t have our wits about us because we’re tired, exhausted, stressed or anxious, we go into a kind of “fight or flight” mode and we react instead of RESPOND.  By virtue of itself, responding forces us to think;  to stop, listen, assess, evaluate, and execute a rational, reasonable answer AND solution. Reacting takes us from zero to ten to red in a flash ,and it’s here we say and do things we wish we hadn’t.  Wishing we could takes things back, we offer apologies and accountabilities for our behaviours. But why not practice reducing the incidence of this kind of situation happening in the first place.

With that, comes realizing certain things.  Firstly, remembering to BREATHE.  Taking deep, calming breaths slows the sympathetic nervous system and hastens the neurotransmitters from going into that physiological fight-or-flight-mode, enabling us to be more conscious of what we should be thinking and how we need to respond to the situation. Parents, this is not limited to dealing with your children only. Oh no…we can use this same approach with our husbands, wives, boyfriends and other partners and family too. While we are more often apt to be more understanding and forgiving to our children, it’s important to remember that this should not be lost on significant others.  We need to have open -minded and clear communication between everyone in order for the family dynamic to work in our favour.

Secondly, we need to remember to LISTEN actively and effectively. We need to actually hear what the other person/child is saying.  In doing so, we’re offering validation,  acknowledgement that you understand and how they feel, and that you want to address and solve the situation.  Everyone around us deserves this. Not just our children. Parenting and relationships take skill., technique, thoughtfulness and consideration. In the long-run, there is more reward on every side. Any situation can be worked out given that we keep calm, listen, validate and talk it through. Respond.  Don’t react. It really is defeatist and put you at a disadvantage.  And, gets the other person’s back up, even a child.

Lastly, TAKE CARE of yourself.  The house won’t fall apart, and your family will be fine if the laundry’s not done or if you have breakfast for dinner.  YOU are the glue that holds everything together, and you need to be healthy and rested.  Be Supermom, but don’t forget to be Supermom to YOURSELF!  It doesn’t all have to get done in d day. Relax your standards, delegate, simplify, say no when you just don’t have time or energy, and talk to your partner, EXPRESS to them how you feel (no finger pointing or laying blame–that defeats the purpose), and each day, do at least ONE thing for yourself that takes no less than 30-45 minutes. It’s a well-deserved break and you’re worth it!

Us Supermoms need to recharge our batteries and get ready for the next task at hand…..with calm, understanding and peace in our hearts.  Oh, and thank goodness for tomorrows!

Please visit me at http://www.facebook.com/laurenmillmancoaching/ and at http://www.LaurenMillmanCoaching.com

Lauren Millman, B.A., CCP, CCF.  Certified Life Coach Specialist

Lauren Millman Coaching

416-576-5881

Life Love Balance. Your new life awaits….What are you waiting for?